the tendency to do nothing
nothing - is worth attempting
why help?  why cry?
it sounds so low
but its not as low as I can go
but oh there are things I like
amusements, lifestyle and tricks
cheap licks - these are
such a seismic shift in approach.

its hard to even remember the old days existed
except as anecdote
something I hardly ponder
gone and extinct
the wonder

but I make more money
and I've almost shed the cautionary guilt
I can only imagine how that must look
dance in the kitchen
drink wine, masturbate, make dates
and honest feelings about details

I wanted more, much more?
I can't answer that question
more living more meaning more feeling
and that cache' from the stuff I couldn't shake soon enough
the otherness, the earnestness, the hap-hazard, skip-walked
I've colored over all that, but I still see my shape there
outlined in chalk.