the tendency to do nothing
nothing - is worth attempting
why help?  why cry?
it sounds so low
but its not as low as I can go
but oh there are things I like
amusements, lifestyle and tricks
cheap licks - these are
such a seismic shift in approach.

its hard to even remember the old days existed
except as anecdote
something I hardly ponder
gone and extinct
the wonder

but I make more money
and I've almost shed the cautionary guilt
I can only imagine how that must look
dance in the kitchen
drink wine, masturbate, make dates
and honest feelings about details

I wanted more, much more?
I can't answer that question
more living more meaning more feeling
and that cache' from the stuff I couldn't shake soon enough
the otherness, the earnestness, the hap-hazard, skip-walked
I've colored over all that, but I still see my shape there
outlined in chalk.

Elective Procedures

I can't decide if this is a final clamping down
a desperate suture on the main artery
if there is no outrage
the tree bare
shake but nothing to show for
the still air.

Tunnel into the dirt
to locate the roots
but the act is now
distant archeology
your pockets of treasures
sown all together
crinkled and smudged
(but no less beloved).

An Intimacy is extinguished
when an anguish is razed
before and after,
initiate and haze,
these airy tumbleweeds
a taupe equanimity
another member
for this deadened sorority.

The Loss of a friend, on what would have been her wedding anniversary...

10 years since
an ethereal bouquet
lushly ghosted past
your eager ash grasp

the loud and resounding completion
a tightrope of cannibal circumstance
now bound as matter of fact and plain on this -
a pleasant and bright day.

I miss you still, Heidi.